The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
