Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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