its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
