I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
