During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
