well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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