I want to walk on stilts...naked
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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