You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
