There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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