I'm eating all of the evidence.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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