he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
being pregnant is like rehab
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
