u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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