A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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