Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
