Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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