fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
