So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
