Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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