ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
