I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
