there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
