ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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