party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
