I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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