before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
