Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
