Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
