shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
