HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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