my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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