i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
