just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
