Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
