The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
