I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
