I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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