I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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