She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
