drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
