I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
