I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
