I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
