dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
