Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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