winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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