I skipped work to stalk him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
