Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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