sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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