last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
