so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I understand Curling. That high.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
