My Higher Power is John Stamos
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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