Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
