these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mom said you looked used
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
