im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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