i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
