I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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