wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
50% drunk capacity currently
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
