I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
