My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
