you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize