How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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