Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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