so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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