My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
