Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just had sex on a roof
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
