I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.